Posts Tagged: ‘Brand_New_Dad’

Roll Tide Means I Love You

January 8, 2012 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

     There’s a saying that when you’re born in the state of Alabama, you’re forced to choose between a loyalty to Alabama or Auburn. That’s not really true. The truth of the matter is that if your parents truly love you, they’ll teach you to be an Alabama fan, and if they don’t care about you, they’ll allow you to pull for Auburn. Seriously, it’s one of the things you can call and report people for at the Department of Human Services.

Ok, I’m kidding. I am not one of those people who take it that seriously. I am probably one of the few Bama fans you would meet who pulled for Auburn in the National Championship game last year. I love college football, and I wanted to pass that love on to my son. And of course, I wanted to raise him right, so I wanted to pass on a love for Alabama football. This means from the time he started making sounds I tried to teach him how to say “Roll Tide.”

Fans of all college teams, particularly in the south, teach their children things that reflect their love of their particular school. For instance, Auburn fans teach their kids to say “War Eagle,” despite their nickname being the Tigers. Tennessee fans teach their kids that the color of their uniforms is not a color used to torture suspected terrorists at Gitmo. Mississippi State fans teach their kids that ringing a cowbell is not the most annoying fan tradition since the vuvuzela.

Ryne picked up Roll Tide pretty quickly and it became, along with “Go Cubs,” one of his favorite things to say. Back in May, after his stroke, one of the first things he tried to say when he woke up was “Roll Tide!” I don’t really push him to say it or anything, he just loves to say it.

I truy think the reason he says it all the time is that he thinks it means “I love you.” He doesn’t ever say I love you, but when he’s really happy you did something for him, he’ll say it. If he gets excited to see someone he hasn’t seen in a while, he’ll say it then. If he wants your attention, he’ll say it. If you’re someone new that he has just met and thinks you’re worthy to talk to, he’ll greet you with a hearty “Rooooooll Tieeeede!” And yes, he says it like a northerner for some reason. Of course, he is a quarter Chicagoan.

It’s fun to hear him say it, even if he really doesn’t connect it to the Alabama Crimson Tide. I love him, and I know he loves me too, when He says “Roll Tide.”

Castoff

June 28, 2011 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

Well, that didn’t seem quite so long.  Ryne finally got his cast off today. So he looks like this again:

It was kind of anti-climactic since we’ve been building up to this with him for a while now, counting down the days until his arm lost its thin non-candy shell. He and I even had a long discussion last night about what it meant now that he would be without his cast. I know most of you wouldn’t understand much of what he said, but luckily I speak baby and am able to interpret it for you. So, without further ado, here is the entirety of our conversation from last night…

Dad: You know what happens tomorrow, right?!?!?!?!?!?
Son: Yes, you go to work and Mommy and I go to where they make me play with educational toys and do Jazzercise.
Dad: Nope, not tomorrow, tomorrow you go get your cast off so you can finally use your arm again!
Son: I’ve been using my arm. See, look (He smacks my arm with it). Want to see me use it again?
Dad: Ouch! that hurts buddy! You’ve got to be gentle.
Son: Geez, sorry Dad, didn’t realize you were such a delicate flower.
Dad: Well, now you know… So, are you excited to get your cast off?
Son: To be honest, I’m kinda disappointed. I like to use it to pretend my arm is bionic, like the six dollar man.
Dad: That’s the six million dollar man, son, and besides, who knows what he’d be worth with today’s prices of materials, then factor in union labor costs, government red tape on melding human and machine, and the…
Son: Dad! Dad! Whoa there! I believe your train has derailed. I said I like to pretend. In pretend land, there is no inflation or cost of living increases.
Dad: You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s been a long time since I’ve played pretend. I used to pretend I was Michael Jordan.
Son: Wow, that had to be some pretty difficult pretending.
Dad: I was a lot better at hoops than you might think. Shoot, maybe I still am. Anyway, I, for one, am really glad you are getting your cast off because it made me sad when you broke your arm.
Son: What does it mean to break your arm anyway? When my toys break you usually fix them with a screw driver or some new batteries. I didn’t get any new batteries.
Dad: Well, it means the bone in your arm, your humerus , had a little bitty fracture in it and you had to have a cast put on to keep your arm from moving at the elbow so that the fracture could grow back together. You’re actually quite lucky you didn’t need screws. That happens sometimes.
Son: Lucky? I bet I’m the only 23 month old to have ever had a broke arm. And I most certainly didn’t find it humorous.
Dad: Well, it happens a lot more often than you think. And it’s H-U-M-E-R-U-S.  It’s a different word than the one that means funny.
Son: Really? So tell me what happened when you broke your arm when you were my age.
Dad: Actually, I’ve never had a broke arm…or leg. But I did have my pinky dislocated once when I was on tour with Tim Byrne and our friends in Philmont.
Son: Prove it.
Dad: Ok, here:

Dad: Yep, it took one doctor holding my arm and two doctors pulling on my finger to pop it back into place.
Son: Ugh, Dad…please tell me this isn’t some elaborate “Pull My Finger” joke.
Dad: No, Son, I was just telling you about the time I had a boo boo like yours.
Son: Well, thank you Dad. I appreciate you trying to relate your little pinky boo boo to my bone with A BREAK IN IT!!!
Dad: Well, you’re welcome. Just remember, that break in your arm has a matching one on my heart.
Son: I love you too, Dad.

The Ghost Cat

June 21, 2011 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

The following story has very little to do with Ryne, other than the fact that it all happened late at night while I was out on a run to procure some coconut milk for him to drink. This story is not for the faint of heart, but it must be told. Do not read any further if you fear ghosts, or cats, or ghost cats.

One winter evening not so long ago, I was traveling to the grocery store to get some coconut milk for my son. The moon was full and the sky was clear. I drove by a large field and something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. There was a large white cat jumping in the field. It looked to have something set in its sights and kept pouncing to try and catch it. I stopped my car for a moment to watch. I thought to myself how funny it is that even small cats pounce and strike like lions and tigers. I was quite curious to see if this cat would catch its prey or not, so I watched for a moment more.

As I watched, I noticed something that both terrified and perplexed me. I could see through the cat. It wasn’t clear like a window, but it was definitely translucent. I thought to myself, ‘Is this cat a ghost?’ I immediately had visions of Stephen King and the movie Pet Cemetary. I thought to myself, ‘I wonder if this is a cat from the Civil War and it’s reliving what it used to do 150 years ago in this very spot?’ Maybe it was a cat who had belonged to the owners of the house adjacent to the lot it was in and this is how it used to play. The possibilities were endless, but all of those thoughts paled in comparison to one prevailing thought: ‘How in the world am I seeing a ghost cat? I am losing my mind.’

I didn’t know what to do. I knew no one would believe this story. I couldn’t take a picture of it in the dark because all I had was my phone and it doesn’t have a flash. I just decided to watch it some more and soak in the moment because I knew I would probably never see anything like it again. Then the weirdest thing happened, it seemed to start coming towards me. I have to admit, this made me even more scared. It seemed to be skittish and was taking it’s time getting to me. It finally got about 50 feet away from me which was close enough for me to be able to make out exactly what kind of breed the ghost cat was:   a plastic Walmart bag blowing in the breeze.

Has your mind ever played such dirty tricks on you? Please leave a comment and tell me about it.

Ryne: A Status Report

June 20, 2011 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

 

The last two weeks have been amazing having Ryne and Jamie back home. I believe that Ryne being at home in an environment he’s used to is really helping him to thrive. He’s started outpatient therapy at Vanderbilt and he seems to be responding well. The following is a little list of where he is now in the recovery process:

1. His cast will come off on June 28th.

2. In spite of his cast, he has been using his right arm more and more, including using his fingers!

3. Until his cast comes off, he can’t do occupational therapy to help with the fine motor skills on that arm, so right now he’s only doing physical therapy.

4. He should begin with speech therapy soon but we still don’t know the exact date of that yet. He’s getting a lot of his old words back along with some new ones already, so this should help him become the finest orator in preschool.

5. On July 11th, Ryne will go to the neurologist at Vanderbilt to have an EEG to see what his brain activity is like. We are really praying that everything will be to the point that he can start coming off of his anti-seizure meds.

6. Ryne has two new movies, Finding Nemo and Milo and Otis. Milo and Otis has not made an appearance yet, but Nemo is on repeat. I guess when you watch every Shrek movie 6 times a day it’s a nice change of pace.

7. The physical therapy people at Vanderbilt keep going back and forth on putting Ryne in a leg brace on his right leg. His leg keeps “kicking out” a little and they just want to make sure that he strengthens it up good. The good part of           that is that he’s doing so well without one that they can’t decide if it would for sure help him.

8. Ryne’s biggest challenge and the source of most of our prayers for him now is that he has lost peripheral vision in his right eye. if you come from his right side, and don’t make sounds, he doesn’t know you are there until you get right in front of him. He’s young and doesn’t really know any better, so none of this bothers him right now, but we do worry for him in the future if it doesn’t come back. Without peripheral vision it’s hard to play sports, drive, and put your           arm around dates without hitting them in the face. Everything else has been coming back so well, that it’s frustrating     to see no improvement in this area. Of course, it’s frustrating that he has to go through it at all.

So, that’s where we stand right now. If there’s anything you’ve been wondering about, PLEASE feel free to ask. We’ve had so much support from everyone that we feel you guys are going through this with us.

Ryne’s Top Ten

June 13, 2011 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

When Ryne was born, one of the quickest skills I picked up was speaking Baby. Through his oohs and coos, I knew exactly what he was trying to say. It was surprising, because he was so sarcastic and had a little bit of an attitude. I should have known what we were in for as he gets closer to being two. The following is a list of the Top 10 things that Ryne has said over the last month as he recuperates, interpreted for your reading pleasure:

10. Of course I see the turtles Dad, I’ve seen them all 60 times you’ve shown me. From now on, I’m only interested if they’re mutant ninjas.

9. I know I’ve been really sick, but seriously, if I see another white coat, I’m going to start flinging poo.

8. I hope they’re going to eventually take off this turban, because I’ll never make it through airport security.

7. Why do the nurses say they want me to rest, then come wake me up every hour and take my blood pressure?

6. Dad, why does Mommy watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer every night? It’s so fake. Everyone (more…)

The RynoBoy Diaries #7: Shangri-La

January 27, 2011 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

As a Super Hero, I have traveled the world many times over. I’ve journeyed to far off lands in exotic locales with exotic people. Recently, however, I stumbled upon a place so beautiful and so filled with mystery that I just had to put it down in words, though I can barely find any words to accurately describe it.

It’s a land filled with pools of crystal clear water in which to swim and mountains that are lovely to climb. There are many hiking trails and nature paths. There are several tall buildings, but they’re made of wood and naturally blend into the surroundings. There’s always a gentle breeze and everything is lit up magnificently by 6 different suns. Six!

There’s this allure as well. I can’t describe it. When you go there, you just feel like you’re home. Like you’ve been there all your life, yet you’re only just now beginning to see everything. I want to live there, but I feel like if I did, I would never leave to go fight villains. That’s the only bad thing about this new found Shangri-La of mine: there’s still evil to fight.

Just this week, I was hiking around my new found paradise when I had just stumbled upon a hidden treasure! I know you would think that being a Super Hero would come with a handsome salary…and it does… but who do you think pays for all my cool Super Hero gadgetry?  The IRS won’t allow me to deduct “invisible rope” as a business expense, and don’t even get me started on the business lunches at Superman’s Fortress of Solitude (something about no street address…you know how those people are with details). But anyway, I digress… I stumbled upon a hidden treasure and as soon as I found it, The Evil Dr. Daddicus swooped in and wrapped me up so that I couldn’t move. He transported me to a reinforced cage as I struggled to gain freedom…

Will RynoBoy escape? Will he be able to return to his Shangri-La? Will he need a diaper change?
Tune in next week. Same RynoBoy time, Same RynoBoy Channel.

TheBrandNewDad Epilogue: See, what had happened was… Ryne is now walking and exploring our apartment pretty well. We’ve given him pretty free range to roam as he pleases, so long as he’s not getting into anything that’s going to hurt him. When we’re doing something, we’ll close off the front bathroom, and our bedroom. This limits the places he can go out of our sight. But if everything is open and he has all options, he’s a sure bet to head to one place to play: Our bedroom.

He doesn’t go into his room where he has toys. He doesn’t go into the kitchen to get pots and pans, though he does enjoy that when his options are limited. He doesn’t even go to his area of the living room where he has toys. No, he makes a beeline for our bedroom…that is actually absent of his toys.

I don’t know what it is about parents’ bedrooms that are so appealing. I remember when I was little thinking how awesome my parents’ bedroom was. There was this smell that seemed to be different than the rest of the house…like oak or cedar or some kind of wood that had perfume and cologne in its pores. It smelled better, which I’m guessing is mainly because I wasn’t in there enough to mess it up.

Ryne thinks our bedroom is his Shangri-La. It’s the place he wants to be. He like to flop around on our bed, and repel down the sides to the floor. He likes to investigate what’s under our bed (which is nothing, but apparently nothing under our bed is interesting to him). He has a knack for searching out whatever we’ve left in the floor by accident. The incident to which RynoBoy refers to above was him exploring the drawer in the nightstand next our bed. I didn’t want him dragging junk out of it or closing his fingers in it, so I told him to stop looking in it…telling him “no” several times. He’s gotten to the age where he thinks it’s cute to ignore us saying “no.”

In order to protect him from himself, and as a quasi-timeout punishment, I put him in his play pen. He didn’t like it at all, and I think he understood why I put him there…but that is another post for another day. What about you guys? When you were little, did you think that your parents’ room was awesome? Were you allowed to go into your parents’ room?

Wrangling the Talents of My Little Poocasso

January 18, 2011 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

It’s been exciting watching the development of my little guy from a fragile little thing that just laid in my arms to a slightly larger and seemingly indestructible force of nature. He’s learned so many new things and taught his Mommy and me new things as well. Lately we’ve learned that he’s quite the artist. He’s re-worked his crib, his toys, his clothes, and even some of the carpet. I would love to engage his little-artist-within if it weren’t for his chosen medium: Poo. That’s right, he’s been painting with a Number 2 brush.

It all started a few weeks ago when I woke up early one morning to hear his laughter over the baby monitor. I got up ready to get him and make him some breakfast. When I opened the door to his room, he started jumping up and down, obviously excited to see me and to get out of bed (this is how he usually is in the mornings). I noticed his pants were off (though his diaper was intact) which made me feel bad for him because it was fairly cold that morning. As I got closer to his crib, though, my concern for him turned into pure horror, nausea and disgust at what I encountered. Ryne’s black crib had been repainted brown. The sheets and pillows had been dyed and even his friend Jimmy was not spared.

The plan was changed from breakfast and play time to emergency bath and wash the sheets time. I scrubbed down his crib and put Jimmy in to wash with the sheets. To be honest, it may have been the moment I felt truly baptized into parenthood (sometimes being a parent can be surreal, because most of the time you don’t have any time to actually think about it). My first instinct was to burn everything, but then I remembered how I didn’t have any money to replace any of it.

At that time, I put it off as a one time occurrence because he was curious about what was going on in his diaper. Then it happened again. After that, we began to watch him even closer for any signs that he may have a dirty diaper, or be about to make it dirty. That helped a little. He’s a poo ninja. He can make it appear where there once was none. Then we decided that we’d have to make it a rule that when he slept at night or when we weren’t going out anywhere that he had to be in onesy pajamas so that he had no access. This helped quite a bit more, but it’s hard keeping up a rotation of just three of those that still fit him.

I understand he’s at a curious age and he’s learning how things work…even his body, but I’m tired of cleaning toys. If Andy treated his toys like this in Toy Story, his toys wouldn’t be in such a hurry to get back to him:

Woody: “Andy won’t play with me anymore.”
Mr. Potato Head: “Well, thank the Lord for the small things. It’s Buzz Lightyear’s problem now.”

Today, we finally had a breakthrough…I think. I was preparing some lunch for Ryne when he had to go. I went into his room to find his pants laying to the side. Immediately I knew there was a poo situation. Sure enough, his hand was covered. Luckily, the collateral damage was minimal this time. However, Ryne’s reaction was quite different. He looked a little upset. When I put him on his changing table to clean him up, he started whining and pushing his hand towards me, as if to say “Get it off, Da Da!” He wasn’t happy that it was there. I hope this is a sign of good things to come as I try to wrangle his artistic side, because right now the whole situation is just a pile of, well…you get the idea.

Anybody else had to deal with this with their kids? Please leave a comment below!

Here Comes Santa Claus

December 2, 2010 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

Ryne and Santa 2010


This is the end result of Ryne’s second trip to see Santa. It was quite different from the first trip. When we went last year, I sat him down on Santa’s lap, stepped away, Ryne smiled real big, and then we were done. Gone in 60 seconds. Oh what a difference a year makes.

This year’s photo session took about 10 minutes to complete. The thing about Ryne is that he’s pretty strong-willed. He seems to know what you want him to do, and then does the opposite to dramatic effect. He knows what a camera is, and seems to turn off whatever awesome act he’s in the middle of when a camera appears. This means our problem was not with the typical meltdowns that come with a child who is terrified at the sight of a large man in a red velvet track suit. No, our problem rested with Ryne’s interest in Santa and general disdain for photo cooperation. Ryne explored Santa’s gloves, his beard, his suit, and looked at everything around Santa’s workshop except, of course, the camera.

This is where the frustration of the photographer sets in, and Mom and Dad are called on to try to get a smile, or at the very least a look in the direction of the camera so everyone can move on. So, we did the typical things, we squeezed squeaky toy, Jamie tickled him, I tickled him, Santa tickled him, we had a reindeer come in and stand on its head, Mrs. Claus threw pies at Santa…none of it worked. Eventually he did look towards the camera, and a picture was snapped. However, it really looked like he was about to cry, and while that wouldn’t have been so bad, it didn’t actually capture his mood. He wasn’t sad or scared, so I didn’t want that picture. I asked the photographer if we could try just one more time. Thankfully, she obliged.

This is where the sky opened up, a choir of Angels sang, and the thought suddenly hit me like a freight train: My son loves to play Peek-a-Boo. This will elicit a smile from him no matter what mood he’s in. Secretly I was cursing myself for not thinking of it sooner. So, I hid behind the desk where the camera was set up, and started playing peek-a-boo with him. Finally it caught his attention, and thus we have our 2010 Picture with Santa.

How do your kids react in their visits with Santa?

Through the Looking Glass

June 27, 2010 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

Recently, on a trip to Old Navy, Ryne and I ended up in the fitting room while his Mommy tried on some jeans. They happen to have a 3 sided mirror section where everyone can simultaneously indulge their narcissism and answer the age old question, “Do these Jeans make my butt look big?”

Ryne was looking around for his Mommy, when suddenly he found himself face-to-face with three identical triplet boys all being held by replicas of his own father. At first he was happy…he found some new playmates. Then, he noticed all the men who looked just like Daddy, which caused his eyebrow to furl, and then I knew we were about to have some questions.

Son: Umm…Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Son: Have I gone cross-eyed, or are you seeing this too?
Dad: Yes, I see it too. It’s called a mirror. It shows your reflection.
Son: What’s a reflection?
Dad: The mirror is soooo shiny, that when you look into it, you can see yourself in it.
Son: I’m trapped in the mirror?
Dad: No, you’re out here with me. You’re not trapped anywhere.
Son: Oh, is that so? Then let me down so I can play.
Dad: Ok, so you’re trapped in my arms…but it’s for your own good.
Son: I’m going to let that go for now, because I’m much more interested in my “reflection.” (Where does an
11 month old learn to use air quotes?) So, please explain to me one more time what that is…it’s me, but it’s not me?
Dad: No, it’s not you, it’s an image of what you look like, but it’s being bounced off of the mirror by the light
because the mirror is so shiny.
Son: So, the little boys I see in the mirror are all images of what I look like?
Dad: Yes! There you go! You got it now!
Son: So I look like that, right now?
Dad: Yes.
Son: YOU LET ME GO OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS??? MY HAIR IS A MESS AND I’M WEARING THE SAME SHIRT I
SLEPT IN!!! Not to mention…is that…is that DRIED FOOD I see on my chin???
Dad: Son, it’s hard to make sure we get all that food off your chin when you go all Jackie Chan on us while
we try to clean you up. I actually don’t even see what you’re talking about.
Son: That doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure if we relied on you to make sure food is cleaned off of me, I’ll be
taking this spot of who-knows-what out with me on my first date.
Dad: And you think talking to me like this will ensure that you live that long?
Son: I have insurance for that.
Dad: Insurance??
Son: Yeah, you know…that lady behind the door over there? She’s got my back.
Dad: You got me there…she is quite a push over. But I’m going to warn you now: She has her limits. Mommy
will put you in your place if you talk to her like this. You won’t be baby-cute forever.
Son: But I am for right now…watch this… (He turns to the fitting room attendant and says “Hey!” with his
cute flirtatious baby grin. She, of course not knowing baby language, has been oblivious to the rest of
this conversation, and proceeds to fawn all over him telling me a couple of times how cute he is and
that he’s just so precious and he should be on TV).
Dad: Yeah, I know. That’s a special gift you have, but it won’t last forever, so enjoy it now.
Son: Dad?
Dad: Yeah, Buddy?
Son: Can you take me away from the creepy doppelgangers?
Dad: You don’t know what a reflection is, but you know the word doppelganger? Oh never mind, let’s go,
kiddo.

My First Time with Spaghetti

June 10, 2010 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

By Ryne Gilbert:

Yesterday I ate Spaghetti for the first time. A lot of stuff I eat these days is for the first time. I really liked the Spaghetti a lot. I like chicken fried rice, too. It’s just the right size for me. With all this new and tasty food Mommy and Daddy have given me, I have one thought that keeps creeping in…Why have they been holding out on me? For months and months all I got was milk. Don’t get me wrong…I love Milk, and I thought it was so awesome, but I didn’t know there was anything more than milk. Then they introduced me to steamed apples, spinach, and broccoli. Well, I liked those a lot too, but they were just a compliment to the milk.

I’ll never forget the first time I noticed Mommy and Daddy ate something different than what they gave me. I had just finished some milk, and then I look up and see them eating noodles and sauce and bread sticks. Can you believe I actually gave them the benefit of the doubt? I believed that they were eating poorly and giving me the best they had. I felt bad for them. I wanted them to eat as well as I did. All I could do was just sit and stare as they ate what I thought was crappy food. I can’t believe how I was duped.

I don’t know what changed and made them decide to start giving me the good stuff, but I am pretty upset that I haven’t gotten all of this goodness before now. They told me something about having no teeth and food sensitivities and yadda yadda yadda… It doesn’t matter. It was all a bunch of gobbledygook that basically said, “we didn’t give any to you because we wanted it all to ourselves.” I get that, I just wish they could be honest about it. I don’t know why they think I couldn’t handle it. I mean, after all, I was the one who taught Mommy how to feed me on my very first day here.

I guess I’ll forgive them. They’re human and they’re going to make mistakes…but they’re the only parents I have, so I’ll roll with the punches and go with it. At least they’re giving me the good stuff now. Here’s some pictures of my experience with the spaghetti. By the way…did you know spaghetti was not only a food but also a fashion statement?

BEFORE

AFTER

*Editor’s Note: The sippy cup he uses was mine when I was his age…and it’s full of coconut milk.