Posts Tagged: ‘RynoBoy’

The RynoBoy Chronicles: The Toughest Foe Yet, Part 1

January 3, 2012 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

So there I was strapped to a bed. I had no idea how I got there or when, but I couldn’t move my right side. I was hooked up to countless wires and monitors. I looked a bit like the monster in Predator, only without the awesome cloaking ability. One by one, I was poked and prodded by an army clad in white coats. I couldn’t make out what their end game was, but all I knew was that every so often my brain would scramble and I couldn’t say the words I wanted to say or move to free myself.

I spent the next couple of days going in and out of consciousness, taking each moment of lucidity to try and get my bearings and find means of escape. Every so often I would charm those of my captors who were female and while they weren’t looking I would remove some of the wires hooked up to me. Alas, I was soon discovered and reattached. The whole operation was made all the more difficult by the lack of movement on my right side. I decided that while I was hooked up to all the machines and couldn’t move well, it was best to just bide my time until I could make my move.

After what felt like an eternity, but my best guest was about a week, they finally unplugged me and moved me to a new area of their compound. It actually wasn’t too bad, I had a TV to watch, and they brought me my favorite meal: French Fries and Sweet Tea. Then it dawned on me that my captors were trying to gain my trust. I stopped watching the TV because I was fairly certain it was a subliminal broadcast meant to brainwash me into joining them in some weird Stockholm Syndrome plot twist. I was too smart for that, though I did continue to eat because it helped me regain my strength and I knew I would need it to make my move and escape. Besides, I knew that if they were trying to get me to join them, then they most likely weren’t trying to poison me.

The people in the white coats continued to visit in droves, though, and they gave me a lot of drugs. At first I fought them, but I wasn’t at full strength and I couldn’t defeat them all, but soon enough I realized that the drugs were lifting the fog I was under and that the Brain Scrambles had stopped.  I still didn’t like it, but I decided the best thing to do would be to take them.

I was in my new quarters healing nicely for about another week when my chance to break free finally came. There was a supply vehicle that came in and I snuck a ride in the back. I was in there for four hours when the supply truck finally stopped. It was then I stepped out and realized the horrible truth: I was in an identical facility hundreds of miles from home.

Will RynoBoy be able to escape the WhiteCoats? Will he be able to get back home?

Tune in next time, same RynoBoy Time, Same RynoBoy channel.

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The RynoBoy Diaries #7: Shangri-La

January 27, 2011 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

As a Super Hero, I have traveled the world many times over. I’ve journeyed to far off lands in exotic locales with exotic people. Recently, however, I stumbled upon a place so beautiful and so filled with mystery that I just had to put it down in words, though I can barely find any words to accurately describe it.

It’s a land filled with pools of crystal clear water in which to swim and mountains that are lovely to climb. There are many hiking trails and nature paths. There are several tall buildings, but they’re made of wood and naturally blend into the surroundings. There’s always a gentle breeze and everything is lit up magnificently by 6 different suns. Six!

There’s this allure as well. I can’t describe it. When you go there, you just feel like you’re home. Like you’ve been there all your life, yet you’re only just now beginning to see everything. I want to live there, but I feel like if I did, I would never leave to go fight villains. That’s the only bad thing about this new found Shangri-La of mine: there’s still evil to fight.

Just this week, I was hiking around my new found paradise when I had just stumbled upon a hidden treasure! I know you would think that being a Super Hero would come with a handsome salary…and it does… but who do you think pays for all my cool Super Hero gadgetry?  The IRS won’t allow me to deduct “invisible rope” as a business expense, and don’t even get me started on the business lunches at Superman’s Fortress of Solitude (something about no street address…you know how those people are with details). But anyway, I digress… I stumbled upon a hidden treasure and as soon as I found it, The Evil Dr. Daddicus swooped in and wrapped me up so that I couldn’t move. He transported me to a reinforced cage as I struggled to gain freedom…

Will RynoBoy escape? Will he be able to return to his Shangri-La? Will he need a diaper change?
Tune in next week. Same RynoBoy time, Same RynoBoy Channel.

TheBrandNewDad Epilogue: See, what had happened was… Ryne is now walking and exploring our apartment pretty well. We’ve given him pretty free range to roam as he pleases, so long as he’s not getting into anything that’s going to hurt him. When we’re doing something, we’ll close off the front bathroom, and our bedroom. This limits the places he can go out of our sight. But if everything is open and he has all options, he’s a sure bet to head to one place to play: Our bedroom.

He doesn’t go into his room where he has toys. He doesn’t go into the kitchen to get pots and pans, though he does enjoy that when his options are limited. He doesn’t even go to his area of the living room where he has toys. No, he makes a beeline for our bedroom…that is actually absent of his toys.

I don’t know what it is about parents’ bedrooms that are so appealing. I remember when I was little thinking how awesome my parents’ bedroom was. There was this smell that seemed to be different than the rest of the house…like oak or cedar or some kind of wood that had perfume and cologne in its pores. It smelled better, which I’m guessing is mainly because I wasn’t in there enough to mess it up.

Ryne thinks our bedroom is his Shangri-La. It’s the place he wants to be. He like to flop around on our bed, and repel down the sides to the floor. He likes to investigate what’s under our bed (which is nothing, but apparently nothing under our bed is interesting to him). He has a knack for searching out whatever we’ve left in the floor by accident. The incident to which RynoBoy refers to above was him exploring the drawer in the nightstand next our bed. I didn’t want him dragging junk out of it or closing his fingers in it, so I told him to stop looking in it…telling him “no” several times. He’s gotten to the age where he thinks it’s cute to ignore us saying “no.”

In order to protect him from himself, and as a quasi-timeout punishment, I put him in his play pen. He didn’t like it at all, and I think he understood why I put him there…but that is another post for another day. What about you guys? When you were little, did you think that your parents’ room was awesome? Were you allowed to go into your parents’ room?

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The RynoBoy Diaries #5

April 11, 2010 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

Great Sidekicks come around only so often. Great friends come around even less. So, imagine my horror and anger when my best friend, and keeper of my Super Hero secret was kidnapped right from my own base camp. Jimmy and I go way back. This was not only an attack on Jimmy, but it was an attack on me…and I took it very, very personally.

I searched the scene where he was taken. There was some kind of paralyzing agent sprayed on Jimmy to allow them to take him. I found the residue in the camp. I know they had to use it because Jimmy would never allow himself to be taken alive. I also knew immediately who had taken him: The Evil Dr. Daddicus and his Partner, The Baroness Mommy Von Milkstein. They’re always trying to take over the world. I have yet to figure out why they taunt me so much. I always win. At that moment I made the decision not to wait for any ransom demands, but to instead fly immediately to their Lair and get Jimmy out. He was going to be free and I knew I couldn’t sleep a wink until that happened.

I must admit that the thought did cross my mind that I was flying into a trap, and that they expected me to come right away, but I wasn’t worried. They aren’t the brightest villains in the comic book, if you know what I mean. Well, having said that, I was in for quite a surprise when I got to their Lair. They had moved it offshore and underwater.. There was no way to get to it except by a submarine, of course, unless you’re a super hero and you’ve got the friends I do. My friend Sally Seahorse (who is a fantastic singer) came to the surface, created a bubble for me to ride in, and then escorted me down to their Lair.

I busted in and searched until I found where they were holding Jimmy. Actually, they weren’t holding him at all. They were all having some tea as I walked in (prepared to kick some hiney). They apologized for keeping him so long and that he was free to go. I was very curious as to the nature of their visit, as this seemed all to easy. At that moment however , I didn’t care. I raced to hug Jimmy, thankful for his survival, then with the help of Sally we rushed back to the surface and back to our base camp.

Will RynoBoy find out the true nature of Dr Daddicus and Baroness Mommy Von Milkstein’s plot?
Will Jimmy remain the same friendly, care-free giraffe he’s always been?
Tune in next week. Same Rynoboy time, same RynoBoy Channel!

TheBrandNewDad epilogue: What had happened was… One evening last week, Ryne’s dinner didn’t completely agree with him, or it agreed with him too much. Either way, when I went to check on him in his crib before I went to bed, he had thrown up some of his dinner. He had avoided most of the catastrophe, having moved to a different part of the crib. Jimmy, however, didn’t quite make it. He was soiled, to say the least. Well, we had to wash him in the washer, but Ryne also had to be woken up so we could change his sheets.

I took Jimmy and put him in with the dirty clothes then went back to change his sheets while Jamie changed him. Then came time to put him back to sleep. Ryne doesn’t like to sleep without his friend Jimmy. It was hard to get him calmed down without his best friend around. So his other friend, Sally the Sea Horse sang him a song (which she does every night…Sally’s a sea horse that’s kinda in the same vein as a Glow Worm). And we comforted him as much as we could. He finally fell asleep…but the look on his face said he wasn’t happy about it.

The next day when Jimmy was finished being washed and dried, Jamie brought Jimmy for me to see if I thought he was clean and dry enough. Ryne was in the living room, and caught a glimpse of Jimmy. Now, he’s still not walking, but I believe at that very moment, he could have done one of those cheesy scenes of he and Jimmy running towards each other in a field. He kicked his legs, reached out his hands and started yelling (not crying or screaming, but kind of a whooping) for Jimmy. Jamie handed him to Ryne, and Ryne clutched Jimmy to his chest and squeezed him so hard, I would sware I could actually hear the thing wheeze. Ryne and Jimmy were finally reunited.

Why can’t we keep a friend like that as we grow up?

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RynoBoy: International Boy of Mystery

March 20, 2010 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

There are many things that are unknown about RynoBoy. That usually comes in handy when you’re in his line of work. There are many rumors going around, and he asked if I could take some time and go through the rumors and separate the fact from fiction.

Rumor: Superman wears RynoBoy pajamas.
Status: TRUE

Rumor: Before bed, the Boogeyman checks his closet for RynoBoy.
Status: FALSE (RynoBoy would never be that obvious)

Rumor:  RynoBoy can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Status: TRUE

Rumor: The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a RynoBoy Diaper Bomb. They didn’t even come close.
Status: TRUE (Just ask his Mommy or Daddy)

Rumor: RynoBoy does not own a stove, oven, or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Status: TRUE (Who would give these things to a baby?)

Rumor: RynoBoy does not eat. Food simply recognizes that the safest place to be around him is in his own body.
Status: TRUE

Rumor: RynoBoy is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Status: FALSE (Waldo would know hiding from Rynoboy is pointless)

Rumor: RynoBoy will never have a heart attack.
Status: TRUE (His heart is way too smart to try and attack him)

Rumor: Google will not search for RynoBoy because it knows you do not find RynoBoy, he finds you.
Status: FALSE (Searching for RynoBoy will give you several results, but you do have to search at your own risk)

Rumor: Aliens DO exist, they just know better than to come to a planet that RynoBoy is on.
Status: TRUE (Area 51 regularly sends out warning beacons)

Rumor: When RynoBoy does pushups, he doesn’t push himself up, he simply pushes the Earth down.
Status: TRUE (With all the earthquakes lately, we’ve asked him to slow down the pace a little)

These are but a few of the rumors going around about RynoBoy. I hope this has been enlightening to you so that you can know more about this little man. Feel free to share any rumors you’ve heard, and we will try to confirm them for you, or finally put them to rest…like all the people who have tried to fight RynoBoy.

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The RynoBoy Diaries #4

March 15, 2010 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

Sometimes people ask me what it’s like to be a superhero baby in a world full of “normal” people. I try to stay humble because despite my superpowers, I’m just a regular guy. I can hang
out with the little people. To prove this point, me and my friend Jimmy went to downtown Nashville this past weekend to see the circus. It was amazing. They had Elephants, Tigers, Wildcats, Bulldogs (2 different kinds!!), Gators, Razorbacks, Gamecocks, Volunteers, Commodores, and Rebels. The animals morphed into Giants and then they played Quidditch like in Harry Potter… except without brooms. They were like 70 feet tall and threw a ball around and made it go through a hoop.

It was so very exciting. I didn’t know there were so many other people in the world with such awesome abilities. Yet here I was with dozens of people who could morph from animals into giants and fly! The Quidditch matches were amazing. For some reason, Jimmy and I were partial to the Red Elephants. They just seemed like the good guys, and they were from around where Jimmy used to live. Everyone was real good, and we cheered for basically everyone…except the Volunteers. They cheated by wearing this vile color of orange that no one could look at directly. It’s ok, though, because in the end, they were soundly beaten by the Wildcats. The turning point I believe is because everyone in the Quidditch Arena wore Blue to counteract that hideous orange. The final match pitted the Bulldogs from the state of Mississippi against the Wildcats and it was amazing!!! I was sure the Bulldogs were going to win, because everyone knows dogs are better than cats…Just ask my SuperHero friend, Dexter. This was a little different though, because these Cats were wild.

It was such a fun time. I didn’t have to fight off any bad guys and I got to watch Jimmy eat popcorn and Hotdogs until he turned green. Have you ever seen a green Giraffe? It’s almost as funny as a purple Iguana named Xavier. I firmly believe Nashville is the new Quidditch capital of the world!!!

Epilogue from BrandNewDad:
What had happened was… It was actually the SEC men’s Basketball tournament we watched. And it was actually watched in our living room, which is about 10 miles away from Bridgestone Arena. There was no actual morphing of animals into humans, although some of the humans might actually be considered giants. He did watch the games with Jimmy and seemed quite amused at some of the reactions Jimmy had to some of the plays on TV, although one wonders what reactions a stuffed toy giraffe is capable of. And we did cheer for everyone… except for that team in that hideous orange color. As for me, I was just happy that his eczema flare up was dissipating, although I did spend a litte time lamenting the fact that Alabama is so horrible in Basketball

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The RynoBoy Diaries #3

January 2, 2010 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

So there I was once again in the lair of the evil Dr. Daddicus and his partner, the Baroness Mommy Von Milkstein. I had allowed myself to be captured in order to infiltrate their lair in hopes of discovering their evil plan to take over the world.

What I didn’t realize is that they knew I wanted to infiltrate them, and they made special preparations. They built special restraints so that I couldn’t go anywhere, and they decided to torture me and try to get me to talk, and to let them know how I was going to stop their plan.

I was in for the shock of my lifetime. It started after they had secured me in my cell. They brought in a syringe filled with a clear liquid. I asked what it was. Dr. Daddicus told me that I would find out soon enough. He took the syringe and placed it in my mouth. He started administering the drug. It was unlike anything I had ever tasted before. I was sure the taste was sweet, though I had never tasted sugar before. It was very pleasant and soon I wanted more.

This is how they were working their plan. The Baroness said, “does that taste good? Do you want some more? Just tell us what we need to know.” It was then I knew they were just trying to milk me for information. I told her, “I don’t like it enough to tell you anything. You can keep it. I’ll never talk.”

“I was afraid you were going to say that. I convinced Dr. Daddicus that we could get you to talk the easy way, but since you refuse to tell us anything, we’re going to have to do it his way….the hard way.”

At this point, Dr. Daddicus came into the cell holding another syringe filled with a bright green concoction that was almost lighting up the room because it was so bright. He grinned his evil grin, and said, “this will hurt….alot…”

As he started to administer the drug, I immediately began to shake and convulse. This was the most putrid concoction I had ever tasted. I thought briefly about biting off my own tongue just so I couldn’t feel the taste buds anymore. Again, they tried to get me to talk. I shut my mouth as tightly as I could, but they were able to force it open and they just kept pumping it in.

My will was strong however, and although I swallowed quite a bit, I was able to spit a good bit of it back out as well. I knew they were strong and determined, but I’m a superhero. I outlasted them in the end, and they finally stopped. It may have been because they were out of the liquid. In any event, I knew I had them beat…until I started getting very, very sleepy…

Will RynoBoy wake up without powers? Will RynoBoy wake up at all? Tune in next time. Same RynoBoy time, same RynoBoy channel.

Epilogue from BrandNewDad: What had happened was… Ryne is still battling pretty fiercely with baby eczema. Our doctor gave us an herbal supplement to give him called Bio Essence. It has to be crushed up and put in some breast milk for him, so we have to give it to him in a syringe. It smells terrible, so I am sure it tastes terrible. When we gave it to him, he spit a lot of it out. The doctor also told us to give him half a teaspoon of Children’s dye-free benadryl to help with the itching, so that he wouldn’t scratch and therefore his skin could heal. This is a big deal because we are so tired of having to put socks on his hands. We are also tired of having our otherwise healthy and happy baby boy have rosy cheeks and scaly skin. This regimen has worked quite nicely and his skin has cleared up sooooo much. The Benadryl tastes like bubble gum, and that’s a new taste for him because all he’s had to this point is breast milk.

As you can see from the picture below, he’s come a long way. On the left where he’s all red and puffy and miserable is from last Wednesday. The picture on the right is from just one week later. He feels better, which in turn makes Mommy and Daddy feel a whole lot better.

If you liked this post, or just if you stopped by, please leave a comment by clicking on the link at the top of this post. I’d like to know who reads.

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The RynoBoy Diaries #2

November 24, 2009 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

We were on our way to the Warehouse on an undercover assignment. This would be our second meeting with the suspects. Our team consisted of me, the guy who calls himself “Dad,” and the cute one who calls herself “Mommy.” Our mission was to infiltrate disguised as family of the suspects.

We arrived early at the safe-house adjacent to the warehouse. This is where we met our contacts, “Papa” and “Nana.” These are some of my favorite contacts, because they truly care about us. They give us a good place to sleep and rest, and they feed Dad and Mommy. They also give me a lot of hugs, and despite my rough exterior and Super Hero status, I love hugs.

We did a little gameplanning at the safe-house and watched a little Alabama Football, which I also love to do (even in the midst of battle prep, the Crimson Tide remains important).

After the game was over, we headed to the warehouse across from the safe-house. As we walked in, I was ambushed. everyone flocked towards me, shouting “Ryne!” I yelled for my backup, “My identity’s compromised!” But all they did was hand me off to the various people in the house.

I didn’t know what to do. I set off a diaper bomb, but even that didn’t deter them. They just kept coming and coming, but then it hit me…they were all giving me hugs and kisses. I melted. I decided that if it was my time to go, what a way to go. I still was a little scared, after all, because there’s like a bazillion people there, and I live in my secret lair with only two other people.

At the end of the day, I was able to make my escape back to the safe-house with Papa and Nana. It was a rough day, and so I needed a good cry. After that I was able to go to sleep. That warehouse is rough, but this time was easier, maybe next time will be easier and we can finally get to the bottom of why all these people keep getting together at one place. It’s very suspicious.

Epilogue from BrandNewDad:

What had happened was… we went to my parents’ house for an early Thanksgiving get together. All my aunts and uncles and cousins on my Dad’s side all get together at my grandparents’ house, which is beside my parents’ house. While I am an only child, my extended family is gi-normous. I imagine this is a little overwhelming for Ryne, since he is usually around two people at the most, except for church.

This was his second visit to his great-granny’s house, and he did much better this time around. I’m sure that in time, he’ll not be bothered by all of the loud folks all around him. It only took Jamie a few years…

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The RynoBoy Diaries #1

November 4, 2009 Posted by Brandon Gilbert

There I was in the middle of a secluded island in the Pacific. I was on the trail of the evil Dr. Daddicus. He had been plotting world domination for some time. He wanted to steal all the baby wipes in the world so that parents would be thrown into a panic when they needed some and none were there to be had. I had to stop him. No one knows more than me the importance of a good baby wipe.

Dr. Daddicus has a lair in a cave on the island. I managed to slip through his EM (ElectroMagnetic) Shields and by his henchman undetected…or so I thought. I was about to close in on him when all of a sudden I was caught by huge hands and laid out on my back  in a cage behind bars. I was stretched out and they tried to immobilize me. The hands were trying to wrap me in a huge net. I fought back using all my powers. They spread some kind of substance onto my head. I can only assume it was meant to fight the genes in my body that give me my super abilities.

I kept fighting back and escaping the net. This was obviously frustrating them, as they cursing under their breath and telling me to just lay still. I couldn’t let them get me, though. I fought with all my might. Dr. Daddicus must have studied me somehow, though. Before I could even react, my body was wrapped in a cocoon of cloth, and finally they were able to wrap me in the netting, effectively immobilizing me after all. The substance on my head had sapped my strength was all I could fathom.

Will RynoBoy escape? Will he regain his strength? Will he stop Dr. Daddicus’ evil plan?
Tune in next time. Same RynoBoy time, same RynoBoy Channel!

Epilogue from BrandNewDad:
What had happened was…Ryne has cradle cap or baby eczema on his head. Jamie and I found some cream to put on it to help clear it up. We do this every other day. It seems to be working pretty well. One of the problems, though is to keep Ryne’s hands away from his head, because his hands immediately go to his mouth. To accomplish this, we wrap him in a blanket. As he grows a half inch every day, this becomes more and more difficult. He’s always been a good escape artist with the blanket, but now he’s A LOT more active than he used to be, so it’s virtually impossible to keep his arms still while we wrap him where he can’t get his arms out of the blanket.

Today it took me 5 times to wrap him in his crib before I could even walk away with his arms still wrapped up. However, when I got back just a few seconds later, he had them out already. At the end of my rope, I had to finally take his arms, put them inside of his shirt, and THEN wrap him tight with the blanket. I have never seen a kid that could neither crawl nor walk be so mobile.  But hey, it’s fun times…and my kid thinks I am an evil genius.

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