Day 1: Was it false labor? Did labor stall?
My wife gave birth to our little girl the other day. It was a crazy experience. I want to document this while my thoughts are still fresh, and it might be able to help others and/or bring light to the entire process.
My wife wanted to give birth naturally, and at a birthing center. That’s just what she wanted to do. There is no right or wrong answer, and yes, things CAN happen that can change your plan. I just want to address that right off the bat. I am documenting my experience throughout the process. Regardless, let me get back to it.
She started having regular contractions one night, and they were lasting about a minute long, and about 5 or so minutes apart. So, we had our bags packed, snacks ready, and just waited for the right time. We connected with our doula, and she said she’d meet us there. During the drive, my wife was listening to some relaxing music, and I was doing my best to navigate traffic. We had about a 30 minute drive, give or take.
We showed up, went into our room, and tried to get comfortable. Her contractions were about 4 minutes apart, and staying about a minute long, give or take. Over the next hour, they were about 2 minutes apart. Our doula and midwives were 100% certain that she would have the baby within a couple of hours. They started getting the tub ready (she wanted a water birth) and letting us know the process. After about an hour of that, they started to space out again. 3 minutes, 4 minutes, 5 minutes, then 6 minutes. My wife felt so discouraged.
She had just gone through over 9 months of growing this little girl, and was a week past her due date. The past month had been the absolute most uncomfortable of the entire process. She was ready for little girl to be here, and in her hands.
They felt that it was best that we go back home, try to get some food, and some rest. So, we packed up the car again, and headed back home. My wife’s contractions went away, and she slept about 7 hours. When she woke up, there were no contractions, and she was doing just fine. We had some food, relaxed, and decided it was time to go to bed.
Day 2: The Contractions Are INTENSE
My wife woke me around 1:30 AM, and wanted some counter pressure on her back. She was having intense contractions, and was feeling it mostly in her back. So, I did what I could to help her out. I also started timing the contractions. They were somewhat all over the place, 3 minutes, 9 minutes, 7… you get the point.
For everyone, I would wake up when I’d hear her, and give her counter pressure on her back. This lasted for a few hours. Around 5:30, she noticed a change and asked me to contact the doula. I did, and she started to head over.
When she showed up, my wife was at 5 minute contractions, and about a minute long, give or take. She recommended we head to the birthing center. So we contacted them, let them know the status, and made our way over there. We got there around 6:30am I unpacked our bags once again, and we started day 2.
Her contractions remained regular, and the time between them was getting shorter. They mentioned she was in active labor, and thought she might transition soon. They filled up the tub again, and we hopped in. Again, her labor slowed. After about an hour in there, my wife decided it would be best to get out.
She noticed that walking around cause more regular contractions, so she did that for a while. Staying up and moving, and when she’d have a contraction, I was right there to hold her. For every single one.
Nothing changed after several hours, so my wife decided to get a check. They did that, and said she was about 7cm. By this point, it’s 2pm and she’s feeling discouraged again. She’s dealing with these contractions, which (from her experience) are NOT pleasant at all. I sat down, and wanted to have a little talk with her. She’s so overwhelmed with emotion because she was over the entire thing, and wanted to have the baby. She wasn’t having a good time, and did not want to go home again. I did my best to encourage her, and let her know that baby will come at her own time. I told her that I’m there for whatever she needs and to try to compare herself to other short birthing stories she’s heard. Everyone’s story is different!
Contractions started coming more often, and were becoming more intense. She was feeling a lot more pressure down there, and wanted to get in the tub again for some relief. So, we did. Again, though, the contractions slowed. She felt she was making progress, though!
Nothing really happened again for many hours. It’s around 9pm at this point. We’re both exhausted, mostly her. She had a period of about 20 minutes where she slept between contractions, and I feel that was super helpful. I stayed right by her side. She wanted me right there, so I never moved too far.
Should She Have Her Water Broken?
It’s later into the night. Our doula had to leave around midnight, and my wife wanted to speak to the midwife about having her water broken because there is a chance that it might speed up the process. The midwife left to consult with another, and we were left in the room. Within 2 minutes, my wife had the most intense contraction she had felt all day. We heard sounds that we hadn’t heard all day. I looked at the doula and said “this is different,” and she agreed. My wife said she felt like she had to use the restroom.
She stood up to go to the restroom, and had another one even more intense about a minute and a half later.
Her water had broken! All by itself, with no assistance!
This happened at 12:17am. The two midwives came back, we let them know what happened, and told her that she’s in transition, and baby could be here any second. We got in the tub again.
She felt like she had to push, so she did. Every minute or so, she pushed. And pushed. And pushed some more.
At 1:06am, our baby girl was in her momma’s arms.
What was the labor/birthing experience like from a man’s perspective?
I know all experiences differ, but I think it’s important to offer mine. We did not have a short birthing experience. It was long. She was unmedicated, and took everything like a damn champ. It was incredible.
I know that my experience is nothing compared to what she dealt with. When you see your wife go through so much, it’s tough mentally. Seeing her exhausted, crying, and all of these things happening, it’s not easy. I, more than anything, wanted to be there with her every step of the way. And I did just that. For every single contraction, to make sure she was hydrated, giving her snacks, massaging her, counter pressure, holding her hand, everything.
To see the woman I love go through such an incredibly difficult, yet beautiful process, was so incredibly rewarding to say the least. I love my wife more than words can describe, but this made me appreciate and love her even more.
Pregnancy is not easy, especially the last month or so. Labor seemed to be the most difficult part of the entire thing. For over 10 hours, she was dealing with these contractions and really just handling them incredibly. I don’t really know how else to describe it. She was physically exhausted, but I made sure to keep checking in with her to see how she was doing mentally. She was solid the entire time. That was amazing to me.
From the time her water broke, to the time she was holding the baby, it was 49 minutes.
That experience was also wild. It seemed SO MUCH MORE intense than the rest of the labor, but according to my wife, it was intense in it’s own way. It just wasn’t as painful. She said it was almost relieving in a way. The screams were damn near primal, though. I don’t think I’ve never heard anything like it in my entire life.
Even with all that, once I placed our little girl on her chest, it seemed as if the entire experience was worth it. She didn’t seem exhausted anymore, she looked to be full of life and joy. She started crying, which in turn caused me to cry.
It was the longest, yet shortest, and wildest experience I’ve ever been a part of.
Final Thoughts – What I Learned From My Wife’s Labor/Birthing
Again, I want to make it clear that everyone’s experience is different. I’m fully aware that some people have way longer experiences, and some way shorter. Some in a hospital, birthing center, or their home. There is no right answer. It’s a matter of what works for you and your wife/fiance/girlfriend.
What I can speak with absolute certainty, though, is that women need to be supported. This is one of the most difficult things most women will ever go through, and it’s important that you are there for them. Have the snacks ready, figure out what she likes/doesn’t like during contractions, make sure she’s staying hydrated, give her encouragement, hold her hand, whatever it is. BE THERE FOR HER!
I know that I couldn’t do anything to relieve the pain for my wife during the process, but I did know that I could give her kisses, hold her hand, and tell her that she’s doing an amazing job. Some of the midwives had mentioned that they’ve seen husband’s just not be involved at all. To me, that seems rough. I couldn’t see my wife going through that, and just sit back and watch. To each their own, though.
I’ve also learned that I want to be involved! I didn’t grow up around children. I have close to zero experience with children. I didn’t even know how to change a diaper. I did know that I wanted to learn. My wife asked if I wanted to catch the baby, and I said absolutely. Did I know how? No. That doesn’t matter though. Was I nervous? Yes. Did it matter? No. Same for cutting the umbilical cord.
Birthing A Child Is A Beautiful Thing
When all is said and done, this experience was honestly so damn beautiful. A child grew in my wife, and was a product of our love. Her body created this human, and then prepared her for her entrance to the physical world. Each contraction was preparing her. I was there to see all of these things happen, and I’m so glad I was able to.
Support your wife, love her, and let her know that you’re there for her. Birthing a child isn’t easy, but it’s beautiful.